Tween Magazine
The Alphabet of Women, A Tween Glossary

by ‘this guy’

The following is a transcript of comedian Hugh Jass' high speed stand-up routine "The Alphabet of Woman" submitted to Tween Magazine by his tweenage daughter, Tina Jass.

We all know women are amazing creatures...so amazing that they've got more than one word for almost every letter of the alphabet...

A-cup, ass, anal, active, ankle-bracelet

B-cup, breasts, boobs, bitch, bitchy, bossy, bra, butt, bracelet, beaver, bikini, busty, beautiful, blowjob...if you're lucky you might get one of those

C-cup, cup-size, cunt, cute, chunky, cheeks, collarbones, clit, cumslut, cream-pie, cameltoe...that's a big one

D-cup, double-D, ditz, date-able, douche, dress, diamonds, diamond ring, daughter, divorce, deep-throat

espadrille, easy, eye-liner, eye-lashes, eye-shadow, earing, emasculating, ex

fuck-hole, French kiss, freaky, flip-flops, foxy, feminazi

girl, gal, gash, grunt, gasping, gold-digger, gift, G-string, g-spot, girlfriend

hot, hottie, high-heels, hooker, hens, honeymoon, hair

insane, implants, irrational

jezebel, jewelry

kinky, kisses

loose, loving, lips, lipstick, liposuction, Lolita, lesbian, luscious, lover, lustful

motor-mouth, mound, make-up, mother. marriage

no means no, no way, not tonight, nickers, nipples, nail polish

obtuse, obsessive, orgasm

pussy, pussy lips, penetration, PMS, panties, pantyhose, perfume, pierced, present, pregnant, porn-star, psycho...sounds like it starts with "s" but it really starts with "p"

quiet...no that's not true

ring, rim-job

sexy, stunning, sensuous, stripper, streetwalker, sultry, silent-treatment, skirt, sandals, shaved, sister, swallow

twat, twit, tramp-stamp, tramp, tattoo, thong, tea-bagging, topless...good luck getting that one

up-tight, un-stable

virgin...yeah right

waxing, witch, wine, whine, wrong (as in what you are), whore, wife, wedding

xenophobic...they really are

young, youthful, yammering-away

zit cream

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