The Alphabet of Women, A Tween Glossary
by ‘this guy’
The following is a transcript of comedian Hugh Jass' high speed stand-up routine "The Alphabet of Woman" submitted to Tween Magazine by his tweenage daughter, Tina Jass.
We all know women are amazing creatures...so amazing that they've got more than one word for almost every letter of the alphabet...
A-cup, ass, anal, active, ankle-bracelet
B-cup, breasts, boobs, bitch, bitchy, bossy, bra, butt, bracelet, beaver, bikini, busty, beautiful, blowjob...if you're lucky you might get one of those
C-cup, cup-size, cunt, cute, chunky, cheeks, collarbones, clit, cumslut, cream-pie, cameltoe...that's a big one
D-cup, double-D, ditz, date-able, douche, dress, diamonds, diamond ring, daughter, divorce, deep-throat
espadrille, easy, eye-liner, eye-lashes, eye-shadow, earing, emasculating, ex
fuck-hole, French kiss, freaky, flip-flops, foxy, feminazi
girl, gal, gash, grunt, gasping, gold-digger, gift, G-string, g-spot, girlfriend
hot, hottie, high-heels, hooker, hens, honeymoon, hair
insane, implants, irrational
loose, loving, lips, lipstick, liposuction, Lolita, lesbian, luscious, lover, lustful
motor-mouth, mound, make-up, mother. marriage
no means no, no way, not tonight, nickers, nipples, nail polish
obtuse, obsessive, orgasm
pussy, pussy lips, penetration, PMS, panties, pantyhose, perfume, pierced, present, pregnant, porn-star, psycho...sounds like it starts with "s" but it really starts with "p"
quiet...no that's not true
sexy, stunning, sensuous, stripper, streetwalker, sultry, silent-treatment, skirt, sandals, shaved, sister, swallow
twat, twit, tramp-stamp, tramp, tattoo, thong, tea-bagging, topless...good luck getting that one
waxing, witch, wine, whine, wrong (as in what you are), whore, wife, wedding
xenophobic...they really are
young, youthful, yammering-away